Boundaries
There was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdsmen of Lot’s cattle. . . . Then Abram said to Lot, “Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen; . . . Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me.” Gen. 13:7-9, RSV.
The Bible offers many examples of healthy boundary-setting, of setting limits beyond which we can refuse to permit ourselves to be pushed against our wills. For example, Jesus set boundaries, even with his own parents (Luke 2:49). When His mother attempted to dominate and control Him, He told her not to tell Him what to do (John 2:4). As Peter tried to manage Jesus’ behavior, Jesus replied, “Get away from me, Satan! You are an obstacle in my way” (Matt. 16:23, TEV). Yet many Christians feel guilty if they define a psychological boundary, or defend themselves when they feel they are taken advantage of or hurt.
What is a boundary? It is the means by which we protect ourselves from others who would hurt or control us in some way, yet without offending others. It is a barrier beyond which we will not go, and behind which we will not allow others to come.
Our boundaries define who we are and what is important to us. In order to let others know how we want to be treated, we have to be willing to tell the truth and set limits. Trying to relate to a person whose boundaries are blurry is like trying to play volleyball on an unmarked court. You can’t tell when the ball is out of bounds. Lack of boundaries causes all kinds of personal conflicts.
In the interest of better relationships and greater intimacy we need to learn how to set boundaries.
Boundaries keep bad, negative, undesirable stuff out and hold good, positive, helpful stuff in. The bark on a tree protects it from disease (bad stuff). The peel on an orange keeps the juice in (good stuff). Our immune system works similarly. It is the physiological barrier that protects us from illness.
In most cases sickness indicates that our immune system has broken down. When our boundaries aren’t working-boom. We get sick! Likewise, when our personal relationships become messed up, it indicates that our social and emotional boundary system needs attention. We must learn to set boundaries as Abram and Lot did in order to maintain healthy relationships.
Dear Lord, help me to learn to speak up when I feel someone is trying to control me, and on the flip side, Lord, help me to be careful not to control others with my anger, jealousy, moodiness, or fear.
The Bible offers many examples of healthy boundary-setting, of setting limits beyond which we can refuse to permit ourselves to be pushed against our wills. For example, Jesus set boundaries, even with his own parents (Luke 2:49). When His mother attempted to dominate and control Him, He told her not to tell Him what to do (John 2:4). As Peter tried to manage Jesus’ behavior, Jesus replied, “Get away from me, Satan! You are an obstacle in my way” (Matt. 16:23, TEV). Yet many Christians feel guilty if they define a psychological boundary, or defend themselves when they feel they are taken advantage of or hurt.
What is a boundary? It is the means by which we protect ourselves from others who would hurt or control us in some way, yet without offending others. It is a barrier beyond which we will not go, and behind which we will not allow others to come.
Our boundaries define who we are and what is important to us. In order to let others know how we want to be treated, we have to be willing to tell the truth and set limits. Trying to relate to a person whose boundaries are blurry is like trying to play volleyball on an unmarked court. You can’t tell when the ball is out of bounds. Lack of boundaries causes all kinds of personal conflicts.
In the interest of better relationships and greater intimacy we need to learn how to set boundaries.
Boundaries keep bad, negative, undesirable stuff out and hold good, positive, helpful stuff in. The bark on a tree protects it from disease (bad stuff). The peel on an orange keeps the juice in (good stuff). Our immune system works similarly. It is the physiological barrier that protects us from illness.
In most cases sickness indicates that our immune system has broken down. When our boundaries aren’t working-boom. We get sick! Likewise, when our personal relationships become messed up, it indicates that our social and emotional boundary system needs attention. We must learn to set boundaries as Abram and Lot did in order to maintain healthy relationships.
Dear Lord, help me to learn to speak up when I feel someone is trying to control me, and on the flip side, Lord, help me to be careful not to control others with my anger, jealousy, moodiness, or fear.
Used by permission of Health Ministries, North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists.
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